Inka

So, friends are hard to come by and I have to share a special story for me. Two Christmases ago a Mom I had met through my Moms group was at a playdate and she took me aside as I was packing Austin up. She gave me a small gift wrapped up and inside was a book for Austin called "Stinky Face." It is about a little boy who pretends to be many horrible, smelly, unacceptable things and asks how his mom would handle them...and his mom tells him with each one how she would brush his nasty teeth, or sing until his one eye closed (when he was a cyclops), or blow kisses across the swamp and tell him she loves him. It was a surprise to be given a gift, to be chosen out of the crowd it felt like and given a door to friendship. And being new and trying to find friends it meant so much.

Now fast forward to my friend being 9 months pregnant, and her father passes away. Several weeks later I had the honor of hosting her mother blessing where her family and friends gave her and her baby beautiful blessings and hopes for the future amidst her 2 1/2 yo daughter floating like a butterfly welcoming everyone in. And again 3 months later she hosted my blessing with subtle touches and intuition that blow me away...she gifted me an actual blessing basket and a long necklace with a small world on it, to symbolize that though Pete wasn't able to be there physically, his spirit was there. I wept.

So, fast forward to recently and she had asked me for some thoughts on a wrap to add to her collection. I gave it some serious thought and told her what I saw. She is the one who taught me how to wrap a baby to nurse hands free, which is how I wrapped Gabe for the first many weeks. And now he still lives in a wrap on my tummy in a different position. So she asks to stop by sometime later to say Hi and I'm excited to see her. She walks in with a twinkle in her eye and a bag overflowing with something wrapped in tissue. In the bag is Inka, a german made wrap long enough for me to do anything I ever need to with it, beautiful as a sunset over the water as night takes over the sky, sturdy and wide enough to carry my boy...so I cried...who gave this friend to me? How often do we feel cared about and read by another person?

I don't know that I can ever put on paper what my wrap means to me. How the freedom to carry my son has given me the freedom to let the days blend together, has let our family find the rhythm of being 4...given me the ability to mother both of my sons rather than feel like I'm sacrificing one temporarily for another. I won't know what it's like to not have my wrap, but I do know that in my wrap Gabe tucks his little head in and just closes his eyes...amidst bike rides and naptimes, frustrated explosions and story times...trampoline bouncing, play-doh masterpiece roads, salt flung everywhere, dogs barking...he sleeps soundly next to my heart, not far from whatever he may need. For me it's perfection.

So, this is a gift from my friend. Mom always said people come and go in your life as you need them. We aren't blessed with these friends very often. And I'm reminded of her kindness and thoughtfulness everyday, right on my tummy.

Uncle Ford and Haley

One afternoon, Haley snuggled in with Uncle Ford and they talked and talked while watching some Disney...it was really sweet.

Knee-high...to an Uncle Jus

Well, maybe waist-high. Jus and Tori brought a camo sweatshirt for Austin to sport this fall and winter, much to Pete's glee :) Here's a "generation" shot for the picture books.

Thanksgiving!

So this year for Thanksgiving we were joined by Jus and his family and Mom's brothers Ford and Wade, and Ford's wife Aunt Barb. What fun! Though it was disappointing to leave early for kid-bedtime, and to be hit with a round of sick ick for Austin, it was so good to see everyone and be together. Haley had her bike in the back of the truck and decided, after seeing Austin ride his balance bike with no training wheels, that she just couldn't stand for that and promptly had Nana remove her training wheels too! She became a biking superstar overnight (she's 6) and Nana and Haley would go for 4 mile long rides and come back wanting more :) This shot I got of Jus, Gabe and Haley one night on the living room floor.

Safari Gabe

So, who doesn't like to put stuff in the jeep and go? We take motorcycles across the grass, carry sticks and cars around in the back, and clean the windshield with butt ends of just-eaten carrots from the garden...but much to his chagrin Austin himself does not fit...people are just too big for this jeep...until we had Gabe...he he...after one particularly disappointing round discovering Austin STILL does not fit in the jeep, even if we contort him certain ways, I had the idea to send Gabe on safari, if only for a moment :)

A full lap

Happy face :) A lap big enough for two. It's been difficult at times to transition my baby being Austin and being so in sync with him and able to meet his needs and work with him during his frustrations to working towards his becoming a big brother, which means his needs are oftentimes delayed...finding balance of becoming in sync with Gabe while trying to make sure Austin still feels important and valued...

Oh, Austin is home now...attention diverted...this post has taken me 20 minutes to try and remember what I was talking about and now there is a woozle in his drink and it's the end of the world...he he...for those winnie the pooh fans...gotta laugh...what else am I gonna do....apparently go woozle fishing in his drink... :)

In which I am the statue of liberty

Not much explanation needed :) Just trying to make good on my promise to get some shots of me in! Most days I start out great...earrings in, teeth brushed, maybe even my hair combed...lol...and by the end of the day it's fabric everywhere, white spots all over my shoulders, play-doh on my jeans, socks wet from stepping in muddy spots the dogs brought in...a little less than photo-ready...hehe...

Fall fun

So the leaf piles at Nana and Papa's house are the best...ours have dog poop in them (gross!)...so to Nana and Papa's we go. Austin has a balance bike that he's getting really good on, so the top shot is him up to his handlebars in leaves. Pete picks him up and throws him in, then scoops all the leaves back into a big pile.



And on the same day, Gabe wearing his little vampire socks with Papa and Uncle Jon.

Dinner with the boys

Nana and Papa came over for dinner one evening when Gabe is about 1 1/2 mo old. It's so amazing having the support network of Mom and Dad close by. Mom will come over and I get a chance to wash up the dishes and sweep the floor, previously taken-for-granted tasks. Dad took Austin out last week for their first "date" and while I got a moment to gush on Gabe, Austin was getting his tank filled with some one on one with Papa. Dad said he had his hand on his knee the whole time and would periodically lean over for a snuggle on his arm. :) proud mama.

I've been thinking recently that when we have kids we have hopes and goals for them, and how often it seems like they develop their own hopes and goals about who they want to become. But maybe they don't have to be mutually exclusive. My hope in raising my sons is that I can give them the tools to work with who they are, to show them how to find contentment and peace in life, and to grow compassionate and kind men. I couldn't care less if they become the next president.

It's fun too to watch things unfold. When kids are so tiny you just work with day to day and what is and wait for their little being to emerge...to find out what they like, who they are, etc. Watching Austin cracks me up and makes me smile. He's SUCH a host. He'll invite people in, show them where their food is, make sure everyone has food to eat and offer drinks. He'll even give you some of his favorites (a chunk of brownie that's almost his last or a piece of his bread with butter and jam) just for the pleasure of sharing with you. He's concerned when Gabe is upset and crying and makes sure I pick him up. He patiently waits for Gabe to calm down in the evening after the lights have turned out. Lately he's been able to pee on his own standing up and learned the all-important task of shaking. So, I'll be around the corner and hear quiet from the bathroom and then a tiny, high-pitched voice say to himself, as if a reminder, "ake, ake, ake" and then purposefully pull his pants up...the same pants he's been wearing now for a week...hehe.

I was thinking as I was opening the few Christmas cards this year how fun it is to see a picture of the whole family, not just the kids, since often I'm friends with the parents. So I do resolve to try and get more shots with Pete and I in them. However, our world revolves around our growing boys right now so that tends to be the stories I'll tell.

Off to dig for more pics...

My sweet peace

Okay, I have a moment. I'm digging through all the pictures I've taken over the past couple of months on my phone and will try to get some up. Here is a moment of peace.

Superman!

Why can I not find more time to write funny stories!! Having 2 kids is sure busy...so in the interest of preventing meltdowns, I'll at least share a funny picture :) This is Austin's first (that he'll remember) Halloween.

A circus

Austin and I used to religiously take the dogs for walks each morning, he on my back, poop bags in my pocket and 2 excited dogs. With pregnancy and then Gabe's birth, it's been a LONG time since we'd been able to do it but one morning Austin asked to ride on my back and take the dogs for a walk.

Gabe was fast asleep in the wrap so I finaggled Austin into the Ergo backpack, got leashes on the dogs and Pete came home just as we headed off (to get this pic). Oh wow...it was a circus...Austin lost it on the way to the sidewalk asking to get down and ride his balance bike (riiiiight) and we decided to walk the 1/2 block to the stop sign and back. 20 minutes later we finally got home after my three ring circus of Gabe on my tummy, Austin weighing 35lb on my back (holy cow) and a joyful and exuberant dog in each hand that hadn't been walked for months...and the neighbor's dogs freaking out at us passing by their fence line (bang head against the desk), dog poop I couldn't clean up...

Sooooo, we haven't gone for a walk since then either *sigh* The dogs are such good sports.

Good stuff at Coney Island

just thought i'd mention that the short captions are due in part to: typing with one hand late at night after a couple glasses of wine...but mostly typing with just one hand...it takes FOREVER! but I really wanted to get some pics up while I had a chance...will try to get some stories and experiences up soon too :)

My boys...

Not the greatest shot from the phone, but look at Austin's hand...he's holding on so Gabe doesn't fall down...he did that on his own :)

Little family moments

With Gabe coming Austin has had a big decrease of mom, but a huge increase of Dad time...I've really enjoyed watching him grow the last 2 months.

tricky eye muscles

Trying to focus, but succeeding in being cross-eyed momentarily.

Meanwhile...

all this baby stuff is going on and Austin is still growing! Austin on the motorcycle with Dad, and playing in the dirt at the Fall Festival at the Nature Center near our house.

breakfast with papa

Slingling

This is Gabe most days...here he is 4 days old...cut me some slack...the pic isn't my best!

Brothers...

Who is who? Guess they both fell from the same tree :) Austin on top a few days old, Gabe on bottom, a few days old :)

C'mon already pictures!

So, forgive me...our computer with the picture access has been down for weeks now and Pete fixed it and now I can finally post pictures of baby Gabe! Sorry for the delay! Here are the photos of during the birth and minutes after Gabe was born...

A bit of a birth story...

I shared this with the friends who put together the motherblessing and wanted to share with you all too...

The birth was magic...Pete took Austin out in the morning when I was having steady rushes about 8-10min apart and I got the chance to walk in my yard in the dappled sunshine, blessing necklace in hand, walking in between rushes...rubbing each bead and thinking of the meaning and blessing, and I looked up and in the tree was a woodpecker, diligently searching and pecking doing his woodpecker thing, oblivious to me. Looking down, my hand had fallen on the bead my Dad had given me with his blessing of the beauty of birth and how it's part of the natural order of things (very meaningful from the man who has his share of horror stories from previus days as a pastor). It was awesome.

I talked with the midwife in the late afternoon and she listened to me through a rush and asked me to call her after I took a shower to check in. I called Mom who said she was coming home from school and would be right there. As soon as she told me that, the surges started coming w/o a break! Called Linda and Jenny (midwife & apprentice)who headed over, texted Toni (photographer) and they were there by 530 and I was ready to PUSH! They whipped together the birth stool setup and I was incredulous...Pete had taken Austin to the grocery store to get popsicles quick and I was ready to push. The irony that Pete would have made it back early in time to be at the birth but miss it for a popsicle run was too much. But right as I sat on the stool Nana saw Pete pull in the driveway and flew down to get him! Nana told me he saw her running, left the van running, door open, Austin strapped in, running upstairs...woot!

So, he made it, Nana and Austin followed up and I got a sweet breather to laugh and talk with everyone and enjoy being in the sunshine in the window...it was lovely.

Finally got the urge to push, but my water hadn't broken. I asked the midwife about this expecting her to want to break it, but she said some babies are born with the water bag in tact...who knew! She said sailors used to treasure bits of the sac from these babies, believing it helped keep them safe at sea, and that babies born in their sac are said to have special qualities. Not wanting to be the one to nix any special qualities I accepted that Gabe might be one of those babies! And then I got the urge to push again...POP!...you should have seen Linda's surprised face! Luckily we had towels nearby :D So, Gabe was not born in the sac, but our sweet boy was born with a few pushes and I got to meet him with Pete right behind me supporting me. ::warm fuzzies::

He looked so different than Austin did! I was surprised. He weighed 7lbs 5oz, measured 20 3/4 in. Then a few days later he looked identical to a pic of Austin, and now he's well on his way to becoming his own boy :)

My family has been amazing. Mom has been rocked out doing laundry and helping clean up. Pete has been with Austin and projecting around the house, making sure I've got food when I'm hungry. Austin has adored having Pete home. Gee is here now cranking through laundry and dishes and it is OH so appreciated. I feel so fortunate.

One of the most incredible things too has been watching Austin grow up overnight. It was so important to me that he feel part of the experience and not the forgotten first child and have spent a LOT of energy wording things specifically and prepping him. Our baby came into the world and when he latched on to nurse, Austin came over and told me the story again of how "our baby nurse on that side, and Aaa snuggle on other side." Overnight he's become a big brother, and he's amazing. It's not stress free (Austin expresses needing just me sometimes) and he's been practicing figuring out what he has control and power over (no I will NOT wear pants thankyouverymuch) and gets frustrated and overwhelmed, but his autonomy and vocabulary have exploded in the past couple of weeks, and lots of other fun stuff happens...outings with Dad, actually balancing on his balance bike, apples to pick, diggers to haul on trailers, etc.

So, just wanted to share that with you all and thank you for your positive thoughts and support! ::hugs::

Trip to the cider mill!

Gee is here and on Gabe's 2 week bday we went to the local cider mill! Pete survived the yellow jackets (barely...he he) and he and Austin raced around being "superfast jetplanes" on the dirt walk. Plus! We got some family shots!! I promise to try and get more than the token bald head shot on here too! :) Don't forget, you can click the pic to make it bigger.

grrr...computers....

I have a CD of Dad's pictures from the blessing tantalizing me and I can't figure out the 9 step process to get my CD thingy on my computer open...one of those "it's stuck but if you push this button and hold down here while tapping this it will open" things. Bah...

Going to the fountains

Austin and Katie and I went to an outdoor mall yesterday that has a little play area and fountains the kids can play in. Austin wasn't quite ready to dive in, but he did a lot of watching and soaking in.

Later he found a friend by the wishing well fountain. It was funny to see the girls flock in to check out his cars...he he...

Snuggled in...

While Katie was here, we found the extension for the Ergo, the baby backpack Austin lived in for about a year, and it fits around my belly again! Austin knew exactly what to do and was so happy...for about 5 minutes...then he wanted to get down and play with cars and dirt again ;)

Perfection...

Oh my heart caught in my throat when I saw this picture. Our incredible boy wrapped tight in my arms, my bare belly growing our beautiful baby, and the belly ball to symbolize Pete and our connection all smooshed between us. This is it...

The serious business of eating ice cream.

While at the Air Show, Papa surprised Austin with his very own Dove Bar (which he informed Nana about 29 times, "Nana! Aaa have i-keeem!" The looks on his face crack me up...such focus... :)

A Mother Blessing

This past Friday was our Mother Blessing. I cannot express how meaningful and beautiful this was for me. For those of you unfamiliar with the idea, it's a way of celebrating new life, of blessing the mother and her baby as they make the transition from mother and baby as one, to mother and baby as two. Mom, Dad, Katie, Jonny, Lisa, and many friends were there to celebrate.

I was gifted with the belly ball necklace just before the blessing started and was told that although Pete was not able to be here, he was with me, and with the baby, in spirit...




We enjoyed delicious food. We lit candles representing the time during labor and birth (even though Austin kept trying to blow them out hehe)
Each person in the circle shared with me a unique and special bead and blessing.



I'll string all the beads onto a necklace to wear during labor and birth to remind me of the blessing, of the strength and encouragement that each bead represents.








We bound our wrists together with cord and then each person was cut free and will wear them & think happy thoughts until I am in labor or have had our baby, then untie them!
























Sara decorated the baby belly with henna in a design I'd dreamed about...a combination of a willow tree, so supple and strong, and a crashing wave...a visualization often referred to by women in labor during the surges (contractions).















Austin also got to have his tummy painted with Uncle Jon while Sara worked on my design...he he...






































Later in the evening we did the ring test, an old wives tale that requires your wedding band on a strand of hair. The strand is held motionless over the belly and you wait. If the ring moves side to side they predict boy. If the ring moves in a circle, girl. I was under the impression that it wouldn't move if I don't...but somehow, slowly but surely it gained momentum, until it was swinging spectacularly in a wide circle...we shall see!




It was so beautiful and magical. I felt so connected, so grounded, so celebrated with our baby.

Dad spent some time taking photos too, so I'll add those once I've seen them!